oh and see, that four letter word? L O V E see, it's a mystery. cause it brings misery and misery L O V E S company stop frontin me, you haunting me.

brb. and i'm feeling it. it's like uh. can't stress this no more. i feel it everytime i hear your name. i feel it running through my veins. oops did i say run? i meant sprint cause it's coming up too fast. i need a splint. uh na, i need a puff, uh yah i need some kush, uh yah, i need some good good lovin that sweet lovin. and it be like 20 past 2. did i say 2? i meant 1. on thhaa dot. keeep it locked. tdott. and i say, i say, it be pumping. oh pumping too fast, like the sprinting of my blood. and it be like uh. like uh like uh.

fuck this ish. know the sitch? got a stick for a dick, make it quick, don't wanna hear that kiss kiss, smooch smooch, fake lovin ain't sweet lovin. word's the verb, big bird, did i say verb? i meant word like worrd on the street say you got some big fish to feed. the sound of your baby b. know what i mean? cause you're the baby's d. triple d ay, spell it for me? ya dig? ya see that D A D D Y triple d ay? naw mean? not ay like ay bay bay like, A Y naw mean?

eyes closed, mouth open, water flowing through the cracks, cracks as in pores, lord, have mercy on yaaa. skin pores, what a whore, always gave what her mama gave her, said she always loved her liquor careful cause it goes down quicker than that sex lovin oh baby lovin like a flash from a cam-er-uh, cause like uh it be like tick tick BOOM EXPLOSION like uh bomb-in-a-tion obamanation? heck ya'll, i'm CANADIAN.

and uh, i need some sleep, it's killing me. what sleep? nah, you're creeping me. i want that daily lovin oh that pillow lovin yes that sleep. and what sleep give to me? gives me my mind, and my mind find dreams. oh my grind, unwind, refine sleep ya do to me. and it be like uh uh uh

man do i miss tumblr, LMFAO. so, tumblr's not working atm, meh oh well. k, soooo all i want to say is, i miss you. and so much has changed in this past year. i'm sad because it had to turn out this way. but either way, i'd rather have it this way. you mean/meant so much to me.. and idk why it still hurts to the core. every facebook status, msn personal message, text msg, voice mail msg, you seem, happy. a happy i've never had a chance to give to you. and you know what? it hurts. i tried so hard to achieve that happiness that you have right now. but no matter what i did, you'd just push me away.. and i never really understood why until this day. all i things i've suggested, all the things i've asked for, wished for, hoped for, and tried to give you, it was never enough, was it? and until after we were through, did you get all of those things. i guess i was the real problem, wasn't i? idk even know why i'm stressing STILL. it's been almost a year.. a year.. can you believe that? and i guess, that's why i'm not looking forward to christmas/new years. no matter how hard i wish and/or pray, i will never get what i really want. and you know what that is? to be us again. i don't mean all that corny fancy shmancy stuff that happened in the past, i mean i want the person who'd call me every night just to tell me/ask me how my day has been. the person who would leave me voice mails saying he had cornflakes for break fast. the person who would bus all the way to wherever i was, just to chill with me. the person who would laugh at me for saying something stupid. the person who would see my mistakes as lessons instead of nuisances. i want those days where all we did was walk around a park. those days where we would play games on the phone. those times where we'd go window shopping. those times where we'd stay up till 6 in the morning talking about our future. but i know, he doesn't exist and the people we were don't exist anymore. and idk why but it still hurts. idk why it's so hard to just let it all go. 10 months? are you kidding me? .. it's so stupid. i bet you have someone new already. i bet you spend your nights on the phone with her than with me. i bet you give her good morning texts and chill with her wherever she is. i know you've said and i know you've tried to be the best friend you were back then, but you'd just hurt me even more. i've heard so many lies, and so many things you've left unsaid that i couldn't trust you anymore. and still can't trust you till this day. .. ugh idk what i'm trying to say. i just honestly miss you. idk where this will take me but i need to get away from this all..

and honestly, idk why this is giving me stress
but i'm feeling so much pain
cause my failure gave you success.
-m.f. now i feel that i never knew you even more. congrats, i know this is what you wanted for the longest time. you've got your own life and now you're living it up to the fullest. congrats. i feel so happy for you, no longer do it kill me. FREALZ well, it hasn't for the longest time. you've grown up well, and i've forgotten about those times already. last night, wow it kinda made me realize that somehow in someway, you're going to pop up randomly in my life whether it be just by coincidence or something. it's crazy how one year can change everything no? well when that day comes, i don't wanna react to it as much as i have in the past. it may be a few years till i get together and finally say the things i wanted or should've said. anywhos, i'm proud of you and i hope that never changes.

oh WOW looking back at the past just makes me realize how much i've grown up. i used to be so careless about everything and just wanted to have fun regardless of what i did or who i hurt. i wish i still had that. but now, it's all about tough talk and seriousness. i wanna go back to it all. i miss those time.

once again, home. and i have this sudden feeling occuring. seems like you're never there anymore. since what happened on the march break weekend, school isn't the same as it used to. we can't even chill, we don't even talk. and maybe it's my fault but yo, idk anymore. you've got your life, and i've got mine right? and i don't wanna say that certain people are interfering even though it seems like it is and it may be the case, but that's how i feel and it's hard to cope with all the changes high school has brought. ugh i needa relax.

how do you tell someone everything you wanna say when you can't even get the words to come out of your mouth. i hate this feeling.