so, tumblr's not working atm, meh oh well. k, soooo all i want to say is, i miss you. and so much has changed in this past year. i'm sad because it had to turn out this way. but either way, i'd rather have it this way. you mean/meant so much to me.. and idk why it still hurts to the core. every facebook status, msn personal message, text msg, voice mail msg, you seem, happy. a happy i've never had a chance to give to you. and you know what? it hurts. i tried so hard to achieve that happiness that you have right now. but no matter what i did, you'd just push me away.. and i never really understood why until this day. all i things i've suggested, all the things i've asked for, wished for, hoped for, and tried to give you, it was never enough, was it? and until after we were through, did you get all of those things. i guess i was the real problem, wasn't i? idk even know why i'm stressing STILL. it's been almost a year.. a year.. can you believe that? and i guess, that's why i'm not looking forward to christmas/new years. no matter how hard i wish and/or pray, i will never get what i really want. and you know what that is? to be us again. i don't mean all that corny fancy shmancy stuff that happened in the past, i mean i want the person who'd call me every night just to tell me/ask me how my day has been. the person who would leave me voice mails saying he had cornflakes for break fast. the person who would bus all the way to wherever i was, just to chill with me. the person who would laugh at me for saying something stupid. the person who would see my mistakes as lessons instead of nuisances. i want those days where all we did was walk around a park. those days where we would play games on the phone. those times where we'd go window shopping. those times where we'd stay up till 6 in the morning talking about our future. but i know, he doesn't exist and the people we were don't exist anymore. and idk why but it still hurts. idk why it's so hard to just let it all go. 10 months? are you kidding me? .. it's so stupid. i bet you have someone new already. i bet you spend your nights on the phone with her than with me. i bet you give her good morning texts and chill with her wherever she is. i know you've said and i know you've tried to be the best friend you were back then, but you'd just hurt me even more. i've heard so many lies, and so many things you've left unsaid that i couldn't trust you anymore. and still can't trust you till this day. .. ugh idk what i'm trying to say. i just honestly miss you. idk where this will take me but i need to get away from this all..

and honestly, idk why this is giving me stress
but i'm feeling so much pain
cause my failure gave you success.
-m.f.